The end.

1- Much progress has been done the last few weeks
2- According to the nurse, lost 3 lbs by not going to the gym. Or on the gym's scale...
3- Keeping up good nail polish habits, though far from being as elaborate as tutorial videos on youtube
4- Lacked time and motivation. But mostly time.

X's funeral was last Sunday. Things are getting back to the way they were, though I often catch myself thinking 'I have to show X this when he...' and then remember that I'll never get to, that he won't come back.

Cat was at X's funeral. X's sister invited her. It was nice to see her being functionnal, though wtf do you say to someone who's just tried to off herself and missed? And ended up losing the love of her life in the process. I was glad that most people there didn't seem to blame her for what happened.

The funeral home was packed with peeps I didn't know, a lot of relatives and friends. I caught myself thinking I was surprised that X had that many friends... though it's true that funerals are for the family more than for the deceased.

Dre had made a photo album for the family. It was a nice gesture, though a little loaded... she had cut Cat out of all the frames. But then, when it came to X, Dre had always lived in a rose-colored world. And now that he's gone, I don't think he's about to set the record straight. (Personally, seeing the love of my life committing suicide with another girl woulda kinda given me a hint...)

Summer's gonna be the hardest. Shows, parties, roadtrips, breakfasts at Eggspress... tons of things where I was just used to having him there.

It just baffles me. The thought that he was so, so unhappy, that he'd want to end all this. That nothing in his life was enough to hold on to. That the thought of us, of me and BF, of his sisters and his nephews, that CAT, that music couldn't keep him with us. I just don't understand. I'd like to. But I can't.

And I can't ask Cat to relive all this so I can satisfy this morbid curiosity. She's fragile enough as it is.

And yet, even through all this... life goes on.

I've been keeping away from my thumbs, the skin's almost back to a normal color. Still fragile though, so that if I barley nick it, I'll make a scratch and have to work even harder at keeping away from it. Kinda what happenned today...

On the food front, met up with the nurses hired by my work. Clean bill of health according to the blood tests, and I've also improved on my habits compared to last year. Plus, don't know if it's a trick of the scales, but I would apparently have lost 3 pounds... Which is a complete mystery as have not been eating healthy at all in the past weeks. Way too much restaurant (though we have an excuse for that... sort of.)

Been keeping up the good habits of putting on polish (and taking it off when too destroyed) but can't seem to find it in me to put on makeup. This will probably improve soon. I hope. As will my writing habits. The main reason for that?

We have found a place to live.

As exciting as it is, it will also bring its fair share of challenges. But I'm really eager to take them on.

More on that to come.

As they say : Life goes on.